Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
