i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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