Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
