1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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