He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
