as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
