I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
