Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
