I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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