i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
