That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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