we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
