I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
