The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
