Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
