I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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