Slut skills are useful in every country.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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