We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
