I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They took my balls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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