It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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