sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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