allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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