I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
