maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
