I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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