Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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