6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
