we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
