I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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