Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
