it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think my moral compass just broke
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