You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
