you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
