dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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