Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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