you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All the doctor said was why
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
