I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
