I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sex in a hospital.. check
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
