Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
