My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
