i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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