I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
