Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
