she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
