1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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