Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
