I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
