I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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