He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
