Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
