If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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